i'm only 2.5 years into this parenting thing and so mostly i'll just say: it is so hard.
kind of, i knew it would be. i knew waking up in the middle of the night and changing diapers and cleaning up spills would be humbling and tiring. but what i wasn't prepared for was how often my own sin would come flailing back at me every time i pointed out yours.
hey buddy, the lord has given us toys so that we can love others by sharing them. ahem...
hey katie, i have given you this house so that you can love others by opening its door. ahem...
my son, you have enough trucks; let's be content with what we have instead of whining for something we don't.
my daughter, you have enough clothes and home decor items. let's be content with what we have instead of yearning for more.
sweet boy, i'm going to put you in time out now because you disobeyed and it is so important to listen to mommy when i ask you to do something. my instruction is for your good!
sweet katie, i am going to discipline you out of love because respecting my authority and obeying my commands is of upmost importance. it is for your good! (hebrews 12)
anyway, you get the point. i was prepared to teach you; i was not prepared to feel my own sanctification at every moment of every day. but oh my dear mushkas, god is so kind. and i am clinging to hebrews 4:16 with all my might.
"let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
every day before i get you up, i approach the throne. i walk up boldly, confident in what jesus has done for me, and ask god to grant me mercy and grace as i parent. and not once has he denied my request.
it's amazing, really.
i'm going to fail every day at being a mom, but please hear me sons: god is never going to fail you as father. and if all i ever teach you is that one fact, we've got it made. because knowing who he is and what he's done is the very best thing for us all.