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A Guide to Singleness for Christian Women

I recently chatted with Tara Leigh Cobble, founder of the Bible Recap and the D Group Ministry, about her perspective on singleness. You can watch her talk on the highlight here. As we learn about how God views singleness, let’s cheer one another on exactly where God has us, as sisters in Christ and Daughters of the King. 

Tara is single and an active member of the church. About a year and a half ago, she realized she was wrestling with the Lord against her singleness. God opened her eyes to the topic and she acknowledged that God was “doing” singleness in her life. Although she’s always wanted to be married, yielding to God’s plan brought unexpected freedom and joy. It was a relief! She still wants to be married, but she stopped filling all her prayer time with this topic, stopped wasting time on dates that don’t amount to anything. She gave this time back to the Kingdom.

Several well-meaning people said, “Now that you’ve laid this down, you’ll meet him!” Do you  recognize this combination lock? “When you get it together, you’ll be married.” This can also be in the form of “God’s working on you. When you get it together that’s when the Lord will bring Him along.” 

Marriage doesn’t come because we have our acts together! In fact, a spouse is often part of our refinement process. It was hurtful that others couldn't let her be in this space of content singleness. It’s true that we’re often uncomfortable with pain and we speak thoughtlessly.  Some seem to think a single person is unfinished. 

It can be challenging in a culture like the church where people may believe that marriage is the norm. In fact, singles should be embraced as “unbroken” and part of the norm. People often get married young in the church and think something is wrong if they’re not married by age 22. 

She wants single people to know there is nothing wrong with them that isn’t wrong with the rest of the world! We have a very good God with a very good plan. She has clung to this verse: Psalm 145:17, “The Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His works.” Singleness can be His greatest kindness. Saying ‘yes’ to a prayer for a husband could be less kind than a ‘no’. Trust that the Lord is doing what is right and best for your joy and His glory. 

If you’re married, marriage is His greatest kindness to you even when it’s hard! Singleness and marriage are both gifts given by the Giver. Let the church recognize this! God may change those gifts for us, but we should live in His gift and kindness right now. 

It’s helpful when our brothers and sisters come alongside us instead of pushing against what God has given to singles in their lives. We aren’t promised tomorrow, much less a husband or even a good husband. Live in the gift! Seek the Lord and you’ll see that, married or single, He is where the joy is.