over the years i have purchased journals with promised attempts at writing in them often. this time it will stick!, i think, and then of course, it doesn't. but my bible... my bible has been marked over and over again with my heart and so i've finally decided- it is my journal. and where's a better place to have one?
as i quickly flip though, i can see thoughts scribbled next to john 15 where i've worked through an addiction to productivity. notes taken next to every verse in romans as my eyes opened to the beauty of grace. prayers written out for family members, friends, neighbors. and as i open to psalm 37, i can see my own sanctification laid out, just as god promised it would happen (phil 1:6).
next to verse four- "delight yourself in the lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart"- (particularly the first word) i've scribbled FIND GREAT PLEASURE IN as a reminder of where true heart joy comes from. when i find great pleasure in someone, i turn to them often. i text, reach out to, invite over. i make space in my schedule to do life together. and slowly, our hearts align as we walk this side of heaven, arm in arm. it is then, with god, that our heart's desires are met, too.
next to verse five- "commit your way to the lord; trust in him, and he will act"- i have the note GROWING FAMILY, MAY 2016 marked down. i remember writing those words and praying over where our next little mushka would come from like it was yesterday. biological? adoption? foster care? but the lord knew and called us to simply commit our ways into his care and watch him work. and so we did. and so he did.
a little baby boy, a little mushka maddox.
i need to go back and highlight that prayer... answered!
and next to verses one through three and then again on down the psalm, i've simply written DEAR MUSHKA as a call to "fret not yourself because of evildoers, be not envious of wrongdoers! ... trust in the lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness..." these are verses that guide my heart and actions as we walk this business venture with the lord. instead of sitting across the table from a ceo, i sit in these words and hear his boss-man advice: katie, ignore the copycats, the people who are having worldly gain because of wrongful actions; trust in god to provide just what we need and simply walk faithfully! and so on...
it's kind of amazing, really.
and sweet babies, though i wish i could protect you from the hardships of this world, mostly i want you to see that it is okay and good and helpful to pour your hearts out to jesus. write your prayers in the margins of his words, take notes as he grows you, see how far he's allowed you to come. he gets it. he's been here on this earth, fully man just like you, after all! and there is just no safer place to grow than secure within his arms.