Dear Mushka,

For many of us, Valentine’s Day isn’t a day that brings up good memories or feelings. A lot of you might be like I was and feel as though you’d rather skip Valentine’s Day altogether! You may be wishing you had a boyfriend or someone special to share the day with, wishing you were married and you aren’t, feeling pressured to do something for your spouse, knowing your spouse won’t do anything special for you and feeling disappointed. The emotions that arise around this day can be challenging - bitterness, grief, excitement - I’ve felt them too. 

But this year I’m reclaiming Valentine’s Day for Christ! I just love that it’s in February - a month and a half into the new year. It’s a great time to reflect on our habits and goals we set for the new year. Let’s make it about Him! Are our daily habits pressing us closer towards Him? When we read the Bible or pray, are we dwelling on the love of God? Are we growing in love for others?

I also think this can be a day of repentance. Take 1 Corinthians 13 and replace “love” with your name. It’s a real opportunity to realize how we often fall short. Let’s admit our brokenness to Him and praise God for His perfect love. I pray that He’ll create in me a heart that turns to Him.  

This year, I’m doing a cheap project for my kids. I’ve bought a big red piece of red cardboard and written all the characteristics of love from 1 Corinthians 13 on it. We’ll gather together and talk about how God is each of those things. It’s a great reminder of how we can all be better neighbors to each other.

Consider letting go of romantic expectations (unless you love it!) and center your day around Christ’s love and purpose for marriage. Robert and I watched a sermon together one Valentine’s Day and it was so meaningful. Even a podcast like this one could be special to listen to as a couple.

Ultimately, do whatever you want! Hearts, candy or nothing at all! I’ve decided to redeem the day for me and my family as we seek to honor the Lord in all things. Valentine’s Day has become fun and exciting and awesome as we celebrate His love for us.

The word "discipline" comes from the word disciple, which describes a student/ learner of a leader. We seen this word used in the Bible towards the people who followed Jesus, soaking up his wisdom and longing to become more like Him. And we see it, practically, in the purpose of discipline as we work to create learners of our children who follow our leadership (and ultimately God's authority). 

Keeping this perspective in mind helps us as we make decisions on how to best instruct and teach our children. 

I am not a parenting expert by any means, and acknowledge that my oldest child (of three) is five; we have so little experience and so much to learn!

With that said, here are a few things that are working for us: 

1. Pray. And remember that parenting is a God-ordained way to draw us into a deeper relationship with Himself. James 1:5 reminds us that when we ask God for wisdom it will be given to us. Psalm 32:8 tells us that God will instruct us in the way we should go, counseling us with His loving eye upon us. When we're at a loss on how to move forward with our children, we can run to our own Heavenly Father and ask for help. He longs for us to praise His omniscience and sit in humility. As He answers our prayers, we grow in faith and love for Him (and our children do as well). 

Books and other mothers' wisdom can be a beautiful tool in God's hands, but nothing compares to the power of the Holy Spirit to guide us. Don't skip right to Google before you've taken your concerns and worries to God. 

2. Remember Your Reliance on the Gospel. You're in just as much need of forgiveness and grace as your child is. When we forget our tendency towards sin and the lavish mercy that has been poured upon us, we're quick to anger and quick to demand perfection from our children. Rooting ourselves in God's word helps remind us of our own sin and points us to Jesus and His compassion. (This is part of why I recommend daily time in the Word; we're so quick to forget!) 

I also recommend this book as a much-needed parenting gut check. It's helped both me and my husband and will be one I re-read every few years. 

Along these lines, demonstrating repentance to your children can be so valuable. Don't be afraid to admit that you sinned and ask for forgiveness. 

3. Think beyond Punishment. If discipline is training our children to be learners, then discipline is more than a consequence for bad behavior. Seeing our children's strengths, praising their growth, and offering encouragement far more than critique goes so (so) far. 

4. Start Young. Ages 0-3 are critical training years. That's not to say that work can't or shouldn't be done beyond the little years, but studies show that young children's brains are the most receptive and adaptable and by six, most children's character traits are set. 

At around nine months old, all of our boys have begun rebelling on the changing table-- joyfully wiggling everywhere when they know they shouldn't. We firmly say "be still" and then give a gentle flick on the thigh if need be. Young children can't be reasoned with ("you must be still because you may fall off and that's dangerous and I'm trying to changer your dirty diaper so you're making a big mess...") but they can understand discomfort; they can begin to associate wiggling on the changing table and disobedience with pain. 

If this sounds harsh, remember that it isn't being mean. It's teaching them how to stay safe, how to trust and obey their authority so they'll one day do the same with God, and how to live in the real world that absolutely has consequences for our actions. (For the record, a few flicks is all it takes before they've learned to lay calmly.)

5. Use Natural Consequences When Possible. This was an eye-opening discipline technique that has really helped me as a mother. This book and this book were both recommended by a few older mothers I greatly respect and showed me that I didn't have to yell, use shaming words, threats, etc to teach my children. Instead, I could let natural consequences help them learn. 

Here's an example: When my children decide to do flips in their seats while they're eating and their plates fall on the floor, I calmly tell them that lunch is over. They lose the privilege of eating a meal and they also have to clean up the mess instead of running off to play. 

Of course, when they're little they are warned and the situation is explained to them multiple times beforehand. But once I'm sure they understand how they're expected to act, I don't argue with their behavior; I let the consequence do the talking. I have so much to learn here (and imagine consequences aren't always easy to come up with or stick to), but can already see it's benefit in our home. 

6. Be Consistent and Clear. Someone once told me: When you're consistent and clear, your children are the ones choosing their own outcomes. It isn't a surprise or a game ("will mother actually hold to her threat?") They know! 

In our home, blatant disobedience and disrespect earn a spanking. Our children know that if we say "come" and they run the other way, the consequence for their behavior is a spanking*. Likewise, they know the same if they talk back, roll their eyes, etc when we're speaking. 

I don't want to trick my children, nor to do I want to be saying empty threats or constantly wondering how to handle disrespect. We all know. 

*I'm not here to tell you whether to spank or not, but the point is the same regardless. Pray and ask God for wisdom here. We're always learning. 

7. Bring God's Presence and Words Into It. More than anything, this is my goal. When my child disobeys, specifically when a spanking or a large consequence is in order, I pray before I act and make sure I'm calm enough to move forward; it's okay for a child to sit in their room for a little while as you gather yourself. 

Then, I ask them to tell me why they're receiving this consequence. If they don't know, we talk through it. I explain what God says about the behavior (this is a tool I created for this purpose) and allow them to ask questions. This is a teaching time. 

After the spanking (or after the big consequence has been announced), I sing Hebrews 12:11 to the tune of Row, Row, Row your boat. I want my children to know that discipline feels unpleasant at the time, but later it yields the "peaceful fruit of righteousness." Then, I pray out loud that God would use my imperfect discipline to change my child's heart. I also want my children to learn the importance of repenting to God and asking for His forgiveness, but we haven't worked much on that yet.  

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Q: A question I'm often asked is whether my husband and I agree completely on parenting tactics and of course, the answer is "no." God made men and women differently, and I think we bring various strengths to the situation. I also think discipline falls on the shoulders of the parent who interacts with the children more, which is most often the mother. If you long for your husband to take more control here, pray for it! 

Here's a whole blog post I wrote on my favorite parenting books! Here's another one that isn't on the list but I've really appreciated. 

@simplyonpurpose is a helpful Instagram account to refer to. Risen Motherhood is a great resource for approaching motherhood through the lens of the Gospel. I also recently started listening to this Courageous Parenting podcast and enjoy it.

So often, we make short term goals for our new year without looking multiple steps ahead to see where those goals are going to take us. Multiple years ago, at the encouragement of a spiritual mentor, I made ten lifetime goals instead. Rather than thinking about what I wanted to have done by the end of the year, I started looking back on my life from the very end. What sort of woman did I want to become? Which accomplishments mattered the most to me? What did I want to be known for? What was God directing me towards?
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After all, the Bible is full of encouragement for us to live intentional lives.

In Proverbs, King Solomon gives us encouragement on making plans: “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance" -Proverbs 21:5 & “Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure." -Proverbs 4:26

Jesus came with a clear goal in mind: “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost." -Luke 19:10

You can see his focused life throughout all the gospels, as he keeps his eyes straight on what God has sent Him to do. 

After Jesus, Paul was one of the most intentional men we see in scripture. He says, "I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control…” -1 Corinthians 9:26-27

Paul also tells us in Ephesians 5:15-16 to “look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time….”

The same goes for us! We don’t want to be women who drift along year to year, spinning our wheels, running aimlessly. Instead, we want to plan noble things (Isaiah 32:8) & run fiercely towards Jesus and His Kingdom.

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To help us do this, we can pray, ponder, plan, and participate :)

#1 Pray: Ask God for specifics on how to live your days, ask him to highlight your strengths, to give you clarity as you move forward, etc. He is a God of order, intentionality, and plan; He will help you as you long to offer each day to Him!

Don't skip this step-- without it, you'll be tempted to make goals just for yourself instead of for God's Kingdom and glory. 

 #2 Ponder: Think through things like:

• What dreams carry you from day to day?  
• What gifts/ resources have you been given?
• What excites you most?
• At the end of your life, what do you want to have accomplished?
• If you could listen in at your memorial service, what would you like to hear people say?

 Start brainstorming-- you'll probably start to see some themes!

#3 Plan: Create goals that fall under three categories- God, God’s people, & God’s mission.

God tells us that the greatest command is to love him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength (God), and then to love our neighbor as ourselves (God’s people). He also tells us to make disciples of all nations (God’s mission).

Remembering these three topics keeps us Christ-focused. It’s not that we can’t have a goal to, say, lose twenty pounds… we just want it to stay intentionally under one of these categories. Otherwise, we start making self-focused goals, which will always fail us. Losing weight just to look better? Vanity. Losing weight because we want to use the resources we've been given for God's glory (which includes caring for our bodies)? Absolutely.

Make a few goals for each topic and give each a what (the goal), a why (a verse or motivation- this part is so helpful!), and a how (an example or short-term goals).

Here's an example:

What: Become a woman of prayer, trusting that God hears & works through my prayers

Why: "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed." -Mark 1:35

How: Set up a prayer journal, research fasting, find time to pray out loud five minutes each day, etc

Here's another:

What: Train up my children in the ways of the Lord, joyfully pouring the gospel message into them often & actively teaching them the character of God

Why: "We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done… so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments" [Psalm 78:4,7]

How: Read the Bible during dinner, sing hymns together, pray together often, etc

We can have goals for God, the Bible, prayer, our marriage, our children, our homes, discipleship, missions, friendships, etc

Which topics jump to mind immediately? Press in there! 

#4 Participate: We can’t just write the goals down, we have to actually take steps forward. As one of my favorite quotes by Mary Oliver goes: "How you spend your days is, of course, how you spend your life.” 

This is where we begin to write short-term goals. Maybe this year, you want to work towards your prayer goal and your marriage goal. In January, you decide to set up a prayer journal (this might help) and go on one date with your spouse. 

Because these are lifetime goals, it's okay if you don't focus on all of them all the time. Take one bite each day, week, month, year at a time. If you continue to keep your long-term goals in mind, you'll get there. No pressure, just God-focused direction!

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I challenge you to take time this month to create five lifetime goals. If you do, e-mail me at katie@dearmushka.com-- I'd love to hear them!

Starting January 1, I'm reading through the Bible again and wanted to extend the invitation to you, too! 

JOIN IN

We're going to read the Bible chronologically to better understand the historical context and to piece together the Bible as one whole, continuous story. 

To join in, you have two options. You can download The Bible App on your phone and then sign up for this chronological plan so that you can read or listen on your phone every day. 

You can also read in your Bible using this sheet as your guide. Here's a print-off to follow if you'd rather read that way (it's what I'll be doing most days!)

As a bonus, tune into this podcast every day. It's usually around 7 minutes long and gives clarity and understanding to the day's reading. Last year, I heard from so many people that the podcast is what helped them stay on track so give it a go!

HOW LONG WILL THIS TAKE ME? 

I know reading through the Bible in one year sounds intimidating, but the truth is that it only takes about 12 minutes a day to read the Bible from cover to cover. Of course, you'll want to dedicate more time as you you begin a new book of the Bible (context is so important!) and you'll want to save at least a few minutes at the end of your time for reflection and prayer over what you've just read. But on average? 20-30 minutes y'all!

You.Can.Do.This.

Note: A study Bible can be a huge help as you begin to understand proper context. I love this one! 

This (and this) is also a great resource as you begin a new book of the Bible. I used these videos last year as a helpful guide, and will reference them again this time around! They're less than 10 minutes long and can really help you understand what you're about to read.  The Bible Recap Podcast will also direct you to them as you begin a new book of the Bible so if you follow along there, you'll have the links! 

PITFALLS

Usually, I wake up at 6:00am to read and pray for roughly 50 minutes before my boys wake up at 7:00am. On days when I'm not able to do this (sickness, vacation, new baby, etc), I'll find time to read aloud to my kids over lunch or listen the the audio version in the car. And if I fall a day or two behind, I'll catch up over the weekend. 

Planning is key-- when will you prioritize this in your day and what will be your backup plan?

Another thing you might run into is conflict with what you're reading. Maybe reading through Old Testament laws and genealogies is uninteresting? Or maybe you come face to face with a characteristic about God that feels different (and unsettling) from what you've always thought? 

Press on, Sister. 

For me, it is so helpful to think about the word of God like a meal. After all, Jesus calls Himself Everlasting Water and says that man must live on the Words of God, not just bread alone. (John 4:14 & Matthew 4:4). 

When we consistently miss meals, we get hangry. We make bad decisions, we feel tired, and ultimately we malnourish. 

The same is true for our souls. When we wake up and think we don't need to prioritize time in the Word, we begin to rely on our own (failing) capabilities. Our hearts and attitudes eventually malnourish!

Instead, let's savor the promises in Psalm 19 and call them to mind when we're feeling unmotivated or frustrated. Look at what God says about His words!

⁷ The law of the Lord is perfect,
    reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure,
    making wise the simple;
⁸ the precepts of the Lord are right,
    rejoicing the heart;
the commandment of the Lord is pure,
    enlightening the eyes;
⁹ the fear of the Lord is clean,
    enduring forever;
the rules of the Lord are true,
    and righteous altogether.
¹⁰ More to be desired are they than gold,
    even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey
    and drippings of the honeycomb.
¹¹ Moreover, by them is your servant warned;
    in keeping them there is great reward.

MOSTLY

Read the Bible to find God, not yourself.

The Bible is not, primarily, a guide book for our lives or a description of ourselves. It is a book about the Triune God; it tells us who He is, what He's done, and what He will do again. When we read to find Him first, we learn to love every word-- even the confusing, difficult, and slow ones-- because they offer insight into His full character. They allow us to fall in love with our Father & King & Helper through the revelation He's offered us about Himself, and we begin to long for more and more of those glimpses. 

And as James 4:8 says, when we draw near to God he absolutely draws near to us. 

Let's draw near together, friends. xx

(I'll be sharing more on Instagram throughout the year! @dearmushka)

If praying out loud or making sure you do it daily feels paralyzing and overwhelming, I'm sharing my daily prayer system with you! 

I would never tell somebody that this is the system that everyone should use or that you have to pray in this way, God has made us all differently and we all have different tendencies. What I will say is that everyone should be praying. If you are a daughter of the King and a believer, prayer is for you!

Prayer should be part of your every day, just as talking to your husband or best friend is. It should be a vital tool and present practice that forms part of your daily routine.

Prayer isn't the *way* to salvation, but it is part of the fruit that comes when you’re a believer. When your faith is real, you long to talk to your Father and Savior.

I know that many of you want to pray and know how important it is, but you simply don’t know how or what to say and need a little guidance. It can feel paralyzing which is why I created the Dear Mushka prayer pages. If you’re Type-A, love organization and structure like me then this system is so doable for you. It is one I use daily!

It is the perfect prayer rhythm and consists of nine sheets. The Prayer Pages come with:

An in-depth lesson on how and why to pray

A daily prayer sheet:
My daily prayers include the Lord’s Prayer, a prayer for a special friend and my boys’ salvation.

Six weekday sheets:
I choose to dedicate certain days of the week to praying for Dear Mushka, my husband and marriage, etc.

Extra category sheets:
These sheets are dedicated to prayer for dearest ones and family; friends; yourself and those in need of salvation. I’ve broken down the categories so you can pray for just one or two a day.

A Prayer Verses sheet:
You can choose to pray a specific verse for each season, year, month - however you choose to organise it!

I pray out loud every morning for 10-15 minutes and this system keeps me focused. I also pray in my head all day but using this systems helps me I know I’ve covered all of my people and topics weekly. You can learn more about how I pray out loud in this post.

There are other systems similar to this one but I love that these sheets aren’t in a notebook so I can take them out, reprint and adapt it as I see fit. These are perfect to begin using for the new year and for January 2020 which is only a few weeks away.

It's okay to just read the words or sentences you’ve written on these prayer sheets. I don’t write out long prayers here either.

Can you commit to praying five minutes a day? I guarantee you’ll see a change in your life! We have to spend time with the Lord to receive the joy and peace that only He can bring.

This is a digital product that gets sent straight to your inbox for you to download and print as many times as you want. Place them in a binder and you’ll have it all ready for your everyday routine.

It dawned upon me the other day that Thanksgiving and Christmas are almost here after receiving a text from my mother-in-law asking where we’d be staying and what we’d be bringing for the holidays.

For many of us the holidays are are really good time, we’ll be around family who are very easy to love and get along with. But for a lot of us we’ll be around family who present challenges or perhaps, like me, you just don’t interact with them very often.

It got me thinking that now could be the perfect time to begin praying for a guarded mouth and get ready to share truth and encouragement. We should aim to have a heart that is careful of what we’re saying and to make sure that we are loving of others.

Holidays are a beautiful opportunity to share the truth that guides our every day and what better way to remember than through Dear Mushka treasures.

As I put on the Salt Necklace this morning, I reflected on how it is the perfect piece as we enter the holiday season. It comes packaged with a Colossians 4:6 verse card to remind us to season our conversations with salt.

During the time when Paul wrote Colossians, salt was incredibly valuable and traded like money. I love that image because this is so true for our words today - they are so valuable.

Our words can provide flavor and seasoning to every day moments and conversations. Let them carry the taste of Christ! Wear this verse as a beautiful reminder as we enter the holiday season.

I wear the Today Earrings all of the time and they remind us to mark our words with rejoicing. I want us to be women who are marked by a constant spirit of rejoicing whether that be in our words, our hearts or our minds.

The Complete Necklace is also a special occasion piece and comes paired with James 1:2-4. The idea is that our suffering weaves together to make something beautiful, the holes on their own are hardships but God uses it to create beauty that wouldn’t be there otherwise.

A beautiful reminder as we head into the end of this year, to tell other’s about God’s goodness even through our hardships and learn to count it all as joy.

The Cheer Keychain paired with Ephesians 4:29 is the perfect piece for heading out of your house with the reminder that your words should be encouraging, always. An added bonus is that the whistle actually works! A great reminder not to “blow out” your words.

I hope these pieces serve you and others well as you head into this holiday season and remind you to love well on your people with Christ in mind.

We recently collaborated with the amazing Phoenix Feathers Calligraphy to design four beautiful art prints for our Fall Dear Mushka Line. Kristine’s artwork is stunning and I’m so happy we got to create two new designs that come in two different colors.

She put so much heart into these and I know you’re going to love them!

The first is reflective of words I pray all the time from Numbers 6:24-26. I originally had the verse lettered with a pink background but knew many of you would appreciate a more neutral grey, so we have both!

The pink has an ombre, watercolor effect and the grey is solid.

This verse is a prayer not only for my family and my boys but also for all of you who I hold so dear. I think this is such a beautiful print to put up in a nursery, in your entry way or in your dining room for everyone to see. I’ve even used mine in front of my prayer binder.

The second print is reflective of John 15, which is possibly my favorite chapter in the Bible. It has been such a lifeline for me to remember that Jesus is the vine and we are the branches. The only way we can bare fruit is by tethering ourselves to the vine.

God the Father is the “vinedresser”, who prunes branches to help produce more fruit - so if someone isn’t a believer He cuts them off. He also helps those walking through suffering produce more fruit. Sometimes, good branches need to be pruned and I love the imagery of our suffering growing fruit!

I want this chapter in front of my eyes, always. If you haven’t read it yet, go study it now. Enjoy the communion with Jesus by abiding with Him.

The art frames are 8x10 (such a good, standard size) and a frame makes them even more lovely! Feel free to use one with or without a matte depending on how big you want them to be.

You can read all about how I do my "quiet time" here. There, I walk you through the action steps I take, and I also show you the products I use to create a Quiet Time Notebook of sorts. I love using a 3 ring binder because I can easily edit what's inside and print off something new to include quickly.

However, some of you would prefer an all-in-one journal to aid your time in prayer + the word so here are the three I'd recommend!

1. The Quiet Time Companion from Wholehearted. It's sturdy, clean, and packed with helpful prompts and pages. 

"Discipline is hard, and with all the other to-do items in your life, spending time with Jesus can seem like just another obligation. The QTC was designed to help motivate, encourage, and inspire you to get beyond the motions and into the presence of Jesus Himself!"

I'd choose this one if you want everything in one safe spot- a place for goals, memorable dates, praises, verses you're memorizing, etc. It has it all in a sleek, easy-on-the-eyes style. 

Use code DEARMUSHKA10 for 10% off! 

2. The Dwell and Delight Journal from Abundant Life Paper Co. It's lovely and instructional. Besides having a spot to record Bible study notes and prayers, it also comes with lessons on how & why to read your Bible and pray. Beautiful!

"Combining world class, biblical teaching from Jani Ortlund and helpful journal pages to transform your quiet times, this resource was designed to help you grow deeper in relationship with Christ over the course of a year."

I'd recommend this one if you'd like to learn about prayer, reading the Bible, and meditating on scripture. The co-authors, Heidi and Jani, are full of wisdom. Their lessons are easy to understand and extremely helpful, especially for newer believers or women who have simply never been taught what to do once you sit down with your Bible. 

Use code DEARMUSHKA for 10% off! 

3. The Give Me Jesus Journal from Well Watered Women Co. It's been tested over time, used by thousands, and perfect for a daily aid. 

"This simple lyric from the classic hymn sums up the heartbeat of the Give Me Jesus Journal. We created this journal to be a useful and practical tool in your daily quiet time."

I'd recommend this one if you want something a little more affordable, feminine, and easy to follow. 

Use code DEARMUSHKA15 for 15% off! 

I think praying out loud helps remind you who you're talking to and allows you to stay focused instead of drifting off into grocery list land (you know?)

A wise mentor once encouraged me to start with 5 minutes of out loud praying and add just a minute to that every year. I'm up to 9 minutes now and it's been such a blessing in my life!

Here are some resources to get you started. 

I created these Prayer Sheets as a way to organize my days and keep me from feeling overwhelmed with what I'm praying for everyday. Basically, I pray for one topic on Monday, another on Tuesday, etc.

They're a digital download, which means you can print them from home over and over again as you need. I change mine out quarterly, but you could use the same ones for a whole year.  They come with a how-to-use sheet to guide you through the (easy!) process. 

I keep mine in this binder. 

I pray for my husband and children every day. Sometimes, I pray my own prayers and other times I used words from others like this and this (or this) and this. Just copy and paste to a word document and change out the names to fit your needs. 

You could also pray out of books like the following: (Click each photo for a direct link)